Male Domestic Abuse

Hello lovely people

This month I dedicate the blog to a subject that is very close to my heart. Having a great number of male colleagues and close friends who are male, this subject for many years has intrigued and frustrated me. 

Female abusers had gone unnoticed and anyone who may have mentioned this subject would have been laughed at or not believed. Until 2018 when the first woman in history was sent to prison for domestic violence. Jorden Worth, 23, pleaded guilty to grievous bodily harm with intent and controlling behaviour. The young lady a well-spoken fine art graduate, who wanted to be a teacher was in a relationship with Alex Skeel and had two children together. The Court heard how she would attack Alex, 23, with boiling water, hairbrush, hammer and knives. She would also banned him from the bed, decide what clothes he wore, isolate him from his friends and family and took over his Facebook account. There were times she beat him so badly, he thought he would die. Jorden Worth was given seven and a half years behind bars.

It is a difficult task for anyone to talk about abuse, but for men it can be extremely challenging when there is still sigma, misinformation and old macho views that only men experience. Domestic abuse is like the Grim Reaper, it does not discriminate and it touches all genders, colours and race. Yet we see that men are more likely not to report their abusers. These are some of the myths that contribute to the lack of reports and why men are not believed:

Men cannot be victims

Men are more violent than women

Men are not real men if they can’t take it

Men who are gay or bisexual will bring shame on the LGBT community if they report it

We can all help combat these myths and make it easy for men to be believed and it doesn’t take much. We all need to listen more without judging or criticising. Give the men around us more compassion and ask more about their welfare. Get informed about abuse or domestic violence as you yourself may not be clear on the subject and maybe missing signs due to your lack of knowledge.

Here are some of the signs of abuse:

Having frequent injuries with the excuse of it being an “accident”

Having no access to money or social media

Appearing afraid or anxious to please a partner

Constantly checking with a partner to inform them where they are and who with

Talking frequently about a partner's jealous or angry behaviour

Dressing in particular clothes to hide marks or scars

Changes in personality or withdrawing from people

Feeling that his children may turn against him or be taken away from him

According to research 15 per cent of men aged between 16 to 59 have experienced some form of domestic abuse, that’s 2.4 million. In 2016 to 2017, 13 men are thought to have died at the hands of a partner or ex-partner.

So what can male victims do?

If a victim is in immediate danger, you should advise them to call 999. Otherwise keep diaries with dates and details of the abuse and keep this safe for later use. Take pictures of your living conditions or injuries. Talk to your GP, local hospital, go to the police and seek advice or helpful numbers for shelter.

With the resent isolation, domestic abuse figures have surely gone up and we all need to pay closer attention to our friends and family.

Thank you for taking the time to read

Zena Finn

Zencentre