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Making the effort

Hello to all my lovely followers, clients and new readers.

This month I want to drive the point to you all, that making an effort in your relationships really does pay off in the long run. Many people after lockdown, felt lost realising that they had no real connection with their partner. So this is a gentle reminder, to keep yourself accessible, fun and loving.

At the start of a relationship, we all make the effort, hoping that the other person sees something in us. We show that we can be attentive, using active listening to show we are interested in what they have to say or their ideas on life and their plans for the future. We want to know their past and show compassion. Plans are often made for intimacy, picnic's by the canal, or a romantic dinner somewhere that sets an atmosphere. We show our fun side, with activities like bowling, clubbing, or out to a movie at a special location in London. We talk until four in the morning and text constantly with compliments and silly jokes.

But this all fades as we get comfortable and allow life to take over. Please note, that most of us are unaware that we are not paying attention to the small details of our relationship, but unfortunately that is exactly what has happened.

Some of us need to make a little more effort, notice and compliment our partner when they look nice or have changed something about themselves. Find the time to really be with them, go out once a month on a dinner date, or do an activity together. Find something once a month that brings you together and reconfirms the closeness between you. If you are both a little competitive, try Crazy golf and get you both on a natural high together. Why not take yourself out of your comfort zone and do something that matters to your partner, like going to a play or poetry reading.

Let's get back to that healthy idea of a partner, that someone we can have fun with, do silly and wild things with. The partner in crime that shares ideas and feelings, that listens and has a response, that shares the stories of their day and wants to include you in their day even when you're not there by texting or calling to see how you are and if your day is going well. Let's put the distractions away, like the mobile's and TV, and stop the excesses "I'm too tired" or "It's not my thing."

Relationships last longer when we realise that it takes work, like any other relationship you have in life (Parents, siblings, or work colleagues). You can't pick up a relationship and put it back down when you feel like it. We need to constantly keep things fresh and make an effort with the way we communicate our feelings and needs. But most importantly, we need to see our partners as our best friends.

Thank you for reading.

Zena Finn

Couples Counsellor


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