Ending a Long-Term Relationship

Hello lovely people,

This month we see that a lot of households are reconnecting with friends, family and work. We are all being encouraged to leave our homes and socialize with guidelines. To some couples the isolation period has brought about a closeness that may have been missing, due to work, family or just not having the right time. It has allowed couples to focus on each other and to reignite passion for one another and the future. But to many other couples it has underlined problems that cannot be ignored, or one partner may feel that they have moved on, or just feel that the spark is now missing and have now decided that it is time to end the relationship. Whatever the reason for the break up, it is important to end the relationship with as much grace as you can. Remember two people have invested a large amount of time in the relationship and breaking it can often be devastating. So make sure to be kind in your approach.

Be realistic

Ending a long-term relationship, even if it’s not the relationship you want, can still be hard to leave for the unknown. It may also be difficult for your partner, who may not have expected it or want it. Be prepared for a roller coaster of emotions when getting ready to have the conversation, as you end the relationship and after it is done. Have realistic expectations for how the breakup will play out, so you are prepared for the moment it ends.

Plan it out

Never end a relationship over the phone, text, sticky note (I’m sure you get the idea) have the strength and courage to face your partner, any other way can create drama and prolong the break up. Choose a place where you are both comfortable and can talk at length. Don’t do it in public and don’t do it where there may be a time limit.

Remain calm

This is not the time to get angry or frustrated, avoid blaming and yelling. Be calm and reasonable in your manner and your words. Out of respect for each other, lead the way to a graceful ending.

Honesty is key

Don’t be mean, but tell them the true reason for you ending the relationship and why it doesn’t work for you. You may want different things, or that there is a lack of passion. Tell them of all the things you appreciate about them, but be firm in your reasons. Whatever you do, please for your own sake do not use “I just need to focus on myself” or the classic “it’s not you, it’s me.” Everyone knows these are not the reason for the breakup and saying these will only leave your partner obsessing about what they may have done wrong.

Stick to your plan

When you end it, your partner may argue with you, tell you that you will regret what you are doing, cry or beg you to change your mind. They may shut down conversations or walk out. Stay strong in your reasons. Don’t be persuaded or act regretful. Remember the reasons for the breakup and stick to them.

Decide how to tell others

With your partner decide who you want to tell, as your partner has feelings and shouldn’t be left out of this. This conversation is vital as it makes it clear to your partner that this breakup is not temporary.

Plan how to move forward

Talk about your plans with friends who are supportive and set some ground rules. There should be no drunken texts or booty calls and no changing your mind two days later when the dating app hasn’t made you an over-night stud muffin. For both of you to be happy, it should be a clean break with both feelings considered. As much as you want to, remaining friends could be the key that holds you back from moving on.

To anyone going through a breakup, I wish you luck. But remember once you are on your own, don’t bitch about your ex in front of friends you both share and once you start dating again try to be discrete. Chinese whispers can be extremely hurtful and can ignite drama you don’t need. This is your time to evaluate where your past relationships went wrong and what you need this time around. Use this time to reflect on yourself and your own downfalls in a relationship (no one is perfect, so trust me, you have them) and work on improving yourself.

Thank you for reading,

Zena Finn

Zencentre